I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
