FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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