I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
