I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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