had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
