saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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