maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
