please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
