Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
