Are we in a gay sports bar?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
