I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
