Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
