This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
