i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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