I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
