so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
