dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
