After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Less talking, more tequila
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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