Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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