Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
