you're like a bully in the Christmas story
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
