No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You made out with two different species that night
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
