Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
