I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
50% drunk capacity currently
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
