Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
