my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
