the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
