So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
