Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
