If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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