Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
