I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
