so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
