he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
