I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
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my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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