I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
