i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
