How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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