Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
