So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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