It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
