Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
