i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
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