last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
