i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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