Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
