ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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