The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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