i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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