so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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