I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
