WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
