she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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