Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
