So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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