Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
