remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
