Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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