dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
