wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
if only i could text you this smell
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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