it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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