I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
