i think my mom watched the whole time
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
