everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
this will be a night to untag.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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