you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
