I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
