are you so shy because you have an std?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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