Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
