I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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