My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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