i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
