Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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