I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
