I wish I could punch you in the face.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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